In the last week or so I've spoken to a lot of people who have suffered from, or are going through some form of depression.

One of the biggest things that came across is they don’t want sympathy. What they often want is just an ear to listen.

Depression can feel like the loneliest place in the world. You can be in a room full of people, hiding behind a mask of smiles and laughter, but inside feeling like a person trapped on a desert island not knowing which way to escape.

So as a friend how can we help? It’s not always easy to know if someone is depressed. Hiding behind ‘a happy mask’ is something that depressed people I have spoken to have told me that they do. Take five minutes with all your friends for an extra chat.  It can sometimes help them to lift the mask up and let their feelings surface.

Acknowledge. Chat with your friend. Say you’ve noticed they’ve been a bit quiet lately. Give them reassurance that you’re there for them when they’re ready to talk.

Don't pretend it's not there or that it is not a serious condition. It can be very debilitating for the person involved. A comment like this can make them feel even more insignificant and that people aren’t taking their problem seriously.

Don’t bring up their problems in front of other people. It can be very damaging to your friendship and to them.

Sometimes it's just about listening. Listening without judgement or giving advice. Don’t see crying as a weakness. The person involved would like nothing better than to feel happy again and be themselves.

Never call a problem stupid or tell them that it is nothing to worry about. It may stop them talking to others also, leading to a potentially even worse situation.

The important thing is to be there. Be genuine, don’t lie to them. Don’t tell them things and not really mean them. A hug or simple ‘I’m here for you, if that’s okay’. Tell them how much you value their friendship and that you care about their life.

Depression makes people feel worthless and not needed. Be there to reassure that person that they really matter and that you want to help.

Don't be afraid to help them find the right help they need.

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Do you sit reading fairy tales to your children, or remember childhood, tales of princesses, knights and happy ever afters?

Life really is like a fairy tale - we just forget to see it that way sometimes.  How?  Well let’s take that story of the Princess and her ‘evil’ stepmother and how the Princess was banished to the forest to be executed.

So the Princess’s life started off happily, playing in the castle without a care in the world, surrounded by people she loved, feeling safe and secure.

Life events, such as the loss of her mother, meant her life was turned upside down. Not only losing someone she dearly loved but also feeling like an outsider in her own place of safety.

Fast forward a few years and jealousy from her stepmother meant the princess was outcast from the castle.

Did this make the Princess bitter and angry? No. She adapted to her new role, not judging others (like the Dwarves) for their size, attitudes or life choices.

Eventually she did meet her Princess Charming just by being herself.

If we look back and think about most fairy tales we only remember the good parts. The Princess, the friendships she made. But if you look at almost any fairy tale, the main character had to overcome a lot of adversity to get there.

Isn’t it about time you took control of your own fairy tale? Not blaming others for the last chapter but realising you really can make your fairy tale have its own happy ending?

If you need help writing that next chapter in your book, why not consider hypnotherapy? Think of hypnotherapy as a perfect pair of reading glasses that helps you to see the pages for what they really are, just a story where you really do have control of having that…

                          ‘Happy ever after’.

Many people spend a lifetime falling in and out of bad relationships. Fearing being alone and hoping that happiness can be found in the arms of a partner. The truth is that happiness comes from within, and without the ability to love yourself you will find it very difficult to accept love or even give love. This month we are going to tackle the tricky business of love.

We are going to start by looking at our relationship with ourselves. How do we view ourselves? What perception do we give out to the world? Could we work harder at loving ourselves?

In this manic 24/7 world we live in and with the rise of social media, it has become the norm to give out a positive perception to the rest of the world. How many times do you edit a photo before posting it to your wall? Do you spend time looking at the photos of friends and peers and wishing you too could be as happy or as perfect. Do you flip through the glossy magazines and envy the glamorous celebs and then beat yourself up because you don’t look that way? It’s very common and a lot more people than you think do it.

However it’s time to break the cycle. If you must compare yourself to anyone don’t make a comparison with an airbrushed picture. Find somebody whose attitude to life is inspiring. True beauty shines through from within when you are happy. You give off a natural glow, a charm that people are attracted to.

I would like you to try an exercise, beginning with looking at yourself in the mirror and finding three things that you like about yourself and say it out loud. ‘I have nice eyes’ or ‘my hair is really glossy’. Try looking again and remind yourself out loud what personality traits you have that are good. Saying these things out loud re-enforces your positive self-image. We all like to hear it and hearing it from yourself is just as good and can be even more meaningful. For more information about affirmations and how they can help you go to my web page and see my blogs.

Becky 

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Scientist says we are only born with a fear of loud noises and a fear of falling. All other fears are learnt behaviours.  

In my work as a hypnotherapist, I often work with individuals who have fears through a learnt behaviour. The trigger doesn’t always have to be a physical experience. An example of this is the client that comes to me with the ‘What if’ or ‘I can’t because’ or the parent saying to the child ‘this happened to my friend’. The seed is then sown.

With it being bonfire night there were a lot of loud fireworks going off. I discovered that my own year old dog had a fear of them. I do not know how, as I have only had her eight months.

Initially on the first night, I think we probably heightened her fear by making a lot of fuss. Basically praising and therefore heightening her negative awareness of the noises.

So what did I do?  I encouraged her to relax in the situation. No I didn’t give her hypnotherapy. We used a plug in diffuser and a jacket called a thunder jacket (reminded me of the hug in mug advert).

When working with a client I find the art of relaxation gets bypassed and the ‘fight or flight’ controlled by our brains has kicked in before it actually needs to. There must be a lot of prehistoric mammals (otherwise known as memories) out there chasing us.

Working with my clients I know in heart that I cannot undo the past. What I work with them on is making ‘the now’ a moment they can control.  A client recently came to me for a fear of loud noises, bad weather etc. I recently received a text from them telling me they’d heard a clap of thunder and jumped like any of us would, but that was all and had stayed perfectly calm after.  

I recently watched a fantastic video on UPWorthy about Happiness and being in the moment.  Make 10 mins to watch it, it’s an amazing video.  I love the little girl telling the story about standing at a door and then using her imagination to describe what may behind.  

How about closing your eyes right now and imagining opening that door. What colour door is it? s it a cool metal handle or just one you push open?  I wonder where you’ve gone to?  Whilst you're there really experience what’s behind it.  If it’s outside feel the touch of nature. Wind, sun, water.  If you’re in a room look around at the old photos, your favourite comfy chair. Who knows what’s in that room?  Even allow your mind to subconsciously pick up and touch objects.  

Well done you just experienced self hypnosis.

Take 10 mins after reading this to watch this great little YouTube video.  I think you’ll enjoy it. http://www.upworthy.com/clear-your-next-10-minutes-because-this-video-could-change-how-happy-you-are-with-your-entire-week.

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