Our bodies are very clever pieces of finely tuned equipment, which if not maintained correctly start to misfire and run a bit slower than usual. The hormone called Cortisol helps to replenish your body after a stressful situation. Nowadays we have an unfortunate tendency to ‘stew’ over situations without ever expending the calories we would have used in the past. So for a caveman the stress would have been a sabre-toothed tiger and we would have run like Forrest Gump, a modern-day stress is more likely to be a comment, an email and rather than running we sit stewing over the it more and more.
The body doesn’t understand that you aren’t going to run, so it sends a hormonal signal to your brain to replenish nutrition stores by making you want to eat. The body stores these supplies in a place where it knows it can store in larger quantity. It stores it as ‘Visceral fat’ which tends to be around your waist.
Now here’s the annoying thing. If a further stressful situation occurs, the muscles send out a signal for fuel, asking for sugar. Hence the reason you start to crave carbohydrates when stressed. To transport sugar from our blood to our muscles requires the hormone, insulin. High levels of sugar and insulin in the blood can send a message to the brain to store fat. The body wants to be prepared for running away from the next ‘sabre-toothed tiger’ that comes along, which also goes by the name of the ‘boss’, ‘the gossips’, ‘the rude message’, the list could go on.
So how can we deal with these stresses?
Exercise can burn off excess calories. It can also produce various biochemicals that can counter the negative effects that stress hormones have, helping in turn to control levels of insulin and sugar.
Relaxation can produce chemicals within the brain that can counter the effect of stress. If you feel you can’t relax easily, try hypnotherapy, mindfulness, yoga, or meditation.
A balanced diet includes never skipping meals. This helps balance blood sugar levels, inhibiting insulin production and reducing cortisol levels. I have daily conversations with people who do not eat enough food. Here’s a tip. That’s a stress to the body. It thinks the world food supply is ending and thinks it should tell your body to store more.
Finally sleep. Poor sleep leads cortisol levels to rise. Make sure you have a good night’s sleep.
So to sum it up:
· Find a way that suits you to release the stress.
· Eat a balanced healthy diet to stop the hormones taking control in a negative way.
· Allow your body to recover and regenerate through sleep.
If you need some more help, look at my page on Hypnotherapy for Self-Belief.
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In the last week or so I've spoken to a lot of people who have suffered from, or are going through some form of depression.
One of the biggest things that came across is they don’t want sympathy. What they often want is just an ear to listen.
Depression can feel like the loneliest place in the world. You can be in a room full of people, hiding behind a mask of smiles and laughter, but inside feeling like a person trapped on a desert island not knowing which way to escape.
So as a friend how can we help? It’s not always easy to know if someone is depressed. Hiding behind ‘a happy mask’ is something that depressed people I have spoken to have told me that they do. Take five minutes with all your friends for an extra chat. It can sometimes help them to lift the mask up and let their feelings surface.
Acknowledge. Chat with your friend. Say you’ve noticed they’ve been a bit quiet lately. Give them reassurance that you’re there for them when they’re ready to talk.
Don't pretend it's not there or that it is not a serious condition. It can be very debilitating for the person involved. A comment like this can make them feel even more insignificant and that people aren’t taking their problem seriously.
Don’t bring up their problems in front of other people. It can be very damaging to your friendship and to them.
Sometimes it's just about listening. Listening without judgement or giving advice. Don’t see crying as a weakness. The person involved would like nothing better than to feel happy again and be themselves.
Never call a problem stupid or tell them that it is nothing to worry about. It may stop them talking to others also, leading to a potentially even worse situation.
The important thing is to be there. Be genuine, don’t lie to them. Don’t tell them things and not really mean them. A hug or simple ‘I’m here for you, if that’s okay’. Tell them how much you value their friendship and that you care about their life.
Depression makes people feel worthless and not needed. Be there to reassure that person that they really matter and that you want to help.
Don't be afraid to help them find the right help they need.
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Do you sit reading fairy tales to your children, or remember childhood, tales of princesses, knights and happy ever afters?
Life really is like a fairy tale - we just forget to see it that way sometimes. How? Well let’s take that story of the Princess and her ‘evil’ stepmother and how the Princess was banished to the forest to be executed.
So the Princess’s life started off happily, playing in the castle without a care in the world, surrounded by people she loved, feeling safe and secure.
Life events, such as the loss of her mother, meant her life was turned upside down. Not only losing someone she dearly loved but also feeling like an outsider in her own place of safety.
Fast forward a few years and jealousy from her stepmother meant the princess was outcast from the castle.
Did this make the Princess bitter and angry? No. She adapted to her new role, not judging others (like the Dwarves) for their size, attitudes or life choices.
Eventually she did meet her Princess Charming just by being herself.
If we look back and think about most fairy tales we only remember the good parts. The Princess, the friendships she made. But if you look at almost any fairy tale, the main character had to overcome a lot of adversity to get there.
Isn’t it about time you took control of your own fairy tale? Not blaming others for the last chapter but realising you really can make your fairy tale have its own happy ending?
If you need help writing that next chapter in your book, why not consider hypnotherapy? Think of hypnotherapy as a perfect pair of reading glasses that helps you to see the pages for what they really are, just a story where you really do have control of having that…
‘Happy ever after’.
Many people spend a lifetime falling in and out of bad relationships. Fearing being alone and hoping that happiness can be found in the arms of a partner. The truth is that happiness comes from within, and without the ability to love yourself you will find it very difficult to accept love or even give love. This month we are going to tackle the tricky business of love.
We are going to start by looking at our relationship with ourselves. How do we view ourselves? What perception do we give out to the world? Could we work harder at loving ourselves?
In this manic 24/7 world we live in and with the rise of social media, it has become the norm to give out a positive perception to the rest of the world. How many times do you edit a photo before posting it to your wall? Do you spend time looking at the photos of friends and peers and wishing you too could be as happy or as perfect. Do you flip through the glossy magazines and envy the glamorous celebs and then beat yourself up because you don’t look that way? It’s very common and a lot more people than you think do it.
However it’s time to break the cycle. If you must compare yourself to anyone don’t make a comparison with an airbrushed picture. Find somebody whose attitude to life is inspiring. True beauty shines through from within when you are happy. You give off a natural glow, a charm that people are attracted to.
I would like you to try an exercise, beginning with looking at yourself in the mirror and finding three things that you like about yourself and say it out loud. ‘I have nice eyes’ or ‘my hair is really glossy’. Try looking again and remind yourself out loud what personality traits you have that are good. Saying these things out loud re-enforces your positive self-image. We all like to hear it and hearing it from yourself is just as good and can be even more meaningful. For more information about affirmations and how they can help you go to my web page and see my blogs.
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Scientist says we are only born with a fear of loud noises and a fear of falling. All other fears are learnt behaviours.
In my work as a hypnotherapist, I often work with individuals who have fears through a learnt behaviour. The trigger doesn’t always have to be a physical experience. An example of this is the client that comes to me with the ‘What if’ or ‘I can’t because’ or the parent saying to the child ‘this happened to my friend’. The seed is then sown.
With it being bonfire night there were a lot of loud fireworks going off. I discovered that my own year old dog had a fear of them. I do not know how, as I have only had her eight months.
Initially on the first night, I think we probably heightened her fear by making a lot of fuss. Basically praising and therefore heightening her negative awareness of the noises.
So what did I do? I encouraged her to relax in the situation. No I didn’t give her hypnotherapy. We used a plug in diffuser and a jacket called a thunder jacket (reminded me of the hug in mug advert).
When working with a client I find the art of relaxation gets bypassed and the ‘fight or flight’ controlled by our brains has kicked in before it actually needs to. There must be a lot of prehistoric mammals (otherwise known as memories) out there chasing us.
Working with my clients I know in heart that I cannot undo the past. What I work with them on is making ‘the now’ a moment they can control. A client recently came to me for a fear of loud noises, bad weather etc. I recently received a text from them telling me they’d heard a clap of thunder and jumped like any of us would, but that was all and had stayed perfectly calm after.
I recently watched a fantastic video on UPWorthy about Happiness and being in the moment. Make 10 mins to watch it, it’s an amazing video. I love the little girl telling the story about standing at a door and then using her imagination to describe what may behind.
How about closing your eyes right now and imagining opening that door. What colour door is it? s it a cool metal handle or just one you push open? I wonder where you’ve gone to? Whilst you're there really experience what’s behind it. If it’s outside feel the touch of nature. Wind, sun, water. If you’re in a room look around at the old photos, your favourite comfy chair. Who knows what’s in that room? Even allow your mind to subconsciously pick up and touch objects.
Well done you just experienced self hypnosis.
Take 10 mins after reading this to watch this great little YouTube video. I think you’ll enjoy it. http://www.upworthy.com/clear-your-next-10-minutes-because-this-video-could-change-how-happy-you-are-with-your-entire-week.
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When you first hear the word ‘relationship’ you may automatically think I am talking about a lover, a partner or spouse.
Relationships are more than this. We have relationships with all those around us, friends, family, the shopkeeper from the local shop that hands you your newspaper each day, and many others.
If I asked you to create a circle with ten layers in it, each one numbered by how important you are compared to other people, I wonder where you would place yourself in comparison to them?
Let me give you an example. You have been in a relationship for many years, so you would place yourself on the same circle as your partner. In a social situation you feel inferior to the opposite sex, reluctant to join in conversations, worried that everyone will laugh at some incorrect comment you may make.
How about allowing hypnotherapy to help with gaining a whole new perspective on your social status?
Some of the areas I have worked on with individuals are:
Feeling an equal partner in a relationship
Helping you to appreciate your own position in society. Everyone is important, no matter what or who they are.
Helping you to open up, allowing other near them for future relationships, whether this is for friendship or a sexual relationship
So let’s start today building that positive relationship you have with YOU first right now.
Book in for my ‘A Weight of your Mind’ interactive weight loss seminar at the Chequer Mead Arts Centre in East Grinstead on the 24th of September. I’m giving a free group weight loss hypnotherapy session at the end of the event. http://www.beckywells.com/a-weight-off-your-mind-at-chequer-mead.html
Or come and visit me at the Sussex Women’s Show, Brighton Racecourse on the 27th to 28th September. I will also be giving two 20 minute talks at this show.
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The school holidays have only just begun and the kids are already running out of exciting things to do!
Now some of you may know I was brought up in a small town called Crawley. My youth was spent playing in the local woods; climbing trees, playing hide and seek and generally enjoying myself without the aid of a computer console.
What do I think this helped with as an adult? Well the greatest dreams were created in those times about my future. That local forest became my Narnia. As I stepped into the entrance of the park nothing else really mattered.
We’d find trees to swing from and like elves from the forest other children would join in with the fun and games. We never thought about being bored, we didn’t have time. We were busy chasing away the fire breathing dragons or hiding from the invisible witch that lived down the black alley.
Children these days are not always allowed to set their imagination free. As a hypnotherapist the daydream is a powerful tool. During a hypnotherapy session a client is encouraged into a relaxed daydream type state. Whilst relaxed the therapist encourages them to change how they view certain feelings or events in their life to a more positive way.
So if you’re off with your kids this school holiday, why not relive your childhood? Show your kids how a forest such as Tilgate Park (http://www.crawley.gov.uk/pw/Leisure_and_Culture/Tilgate_Park/index.htm) in Crawley can be the place where their character is formed and their sense of independence is encouraged. And if you slay a few of your own dragons whilst you’re there, even better.
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I’m sure with all this wintery weather a lot of you will be stripping off the layers of clothing you’ve been carrying around all day?
I like to think of hypnotherapy as stripping away the layers of habits, learnt behaviours and other issues that have built up over time, years maybe in some of the cases I’ve seen. It’s almost like we keep placing another jumper on top of the one we’re wearing.
So what do I mean? Well the best way to allow you to see what I mean is to take you through a case study.
So let’s take stopping smoking as an example.
The base layer of smoking to me is a deep-seated need from past behaviours. Some may have started to smoke at school or watched parents or relatives do the same. It has become that comfort layer close to our body we need (or think we need).
Next comes the mid layer that keeps you warm, the fleece layer. This to me is like the comfort level, the one that makes you feel better. Getting out of an uncomfortable situation by ‘going for a cigarette’.
Finally comes the insulation layer, the outer layer. This is just like you wearing a certain jacket if you know it’s going to get cold. You build up the behaviour of having a cigarette at certain points on a journey or at certain times of day.
So how will I help to you to change the outfit you wear?
I will use hypnotherapy with a perfect mix of my other skills to adjust each layer to a perfect outfit for you.
I’ll help take those old and comfy base layers off and let your subconscious pick the one that’s the perfect fit for you. I’ll maybe show how the old one probably had a few holes in you hadn’t even spotted.
Next, with a mix of hypnotherapy with counselling (or talking) as I prefer to know it, I will help you realise that the comfy layer was not the best fit and work with you to find a fit you would be proud to show off. This may be working on your self-esteem or self-confidence to deal with the situations that drove you to smoke.
Finally we will deal with the outer layer. This uses my skills as hypnotherapist but also my previous training in health and sports therapy, helping you to changing the way you live your day-to-day life. So with smoking it may be just asking you to change a route you take to work, as many smokers I’ve talked to smoke at particular points on their journeys.
Each layer is just as important as the next to deal with. And look at the rewards and health risks. Smoking 15-20 cigarettes apparently costs around £2500 per year, which could be an amazing holiday fund.
Have you ever looked into what’s inside cigarettes to make them so addictive? I challenge you to search on the Internet and see if you would eat the raw ingredients if they were put in front of you and roll them up and smoke them. I am guessing not, I was surprised what was in them, not that nice!
If you want to give up and stop sending your wages up in smoke, let me help YOU find that new non-smoking outfit.
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Seven days have already passed of this New Year. How many of you have already been tempted by one of the seven deadly sins?
Pride has been called the sin from which all the others arise. Pride may also be known as Vanity. Were you offered help but your pride stopped you accepting it?
Hypnotherapy for pride may help develop a personal pride that is needed in building up self-image, self-confidence and the ability to allow others to help whilst still feeling in control.
Envy is the desire for others' traits, status, abilities, or situation. Have you watched other people and been envious of all that they are doing? Do you forget all the amazing stuff that you actually achieved yourself?
Again with hypnotherapy for envy, it may be that one of the sessions is to do with self-esteem, allowing the individual’s subconscious mind to realise all the things it already has.
Gluttony is a desire to consume more than one requires. Do you eat just because it’s in front of you, feel full and carry on eating?
There are many ways of working with food issues using hypnotherapy. We look at past events which have lead to the food issues, to some of my clients favorite ones, avoiding sweet stuff completely.
Lust is an inordinate craving for the pleasures of the body.
Again there are many ways hypnotherapy may help with all sexual issues such as teaching relaxation techniques to preventing over excitement.
Anger also known as Wrath. Hypnotherapy can be used in many situations, from teaching someone how to stay in control using relaxation techniques. A good example of this is road rage, being able to control your temper instead of getting angry at another driver or pedestrian.
Greed is the desire for material wealth or gain, ignoring the realm of spiritual gain.
Are you always trying to gain that extra dollar no matter what the consequences? Hypnotherapy can help you to learn to slow down and allows others to gain. Have you ever helped someone and later found out they will help you in the future more than you can ever imagine That older person in the street, might just be the Mother or Father of someone who will change your life because you did a good deed with no material gain. Again it may be using hypnotherapy to help you gain the confidence to make that connection.
Sloth or extreme laziness is the avoidance of physical or spiritual work.
If you lack confidence this can come across as laziness or maybe fear of the unknown. Hypnotherapy may help with fear, anxiety, and confidence issues.
Hypnotherapy is used for so many reasons, it really isn’t some form of medieval magic. It just helps the conscious mind to relax and allow the amazing subconscious mind to work at its best.
Why not give me a call to book that first session. I am currently based in Harley Street London and Sussex. Let’s start to break down those deadly sins.
So they say we can link ourselves to everyone in the world by a maximum of six degrees of separation? Well let’s try it. How can I be linked to Tom Cruise? I have done some work as Associate Personal Trainer for Matt Roberts. Matt Roberts has trained Mel C, Mel C is friends and part of the same girl group as Victoria Beckham. Victoria Beckham is married to David Beckham who is good friends with Tom Cruise. Well would have thought it he never calls or phones when we are linked so closely (laughs out loud)
It just shows you also what a small world it really is and how friendship can be shared all around the world without a second thought. Do you ever take the time to sit and talk to your friends or are you someone who unloads everything on them?
Some people lack the confidence to tell their story, why not allow the quietest person in the group to lead the conversation one day. You may be surprised at the life changing thoughts they have been afraid to share.
If you’re that quiet person and feel you don’t have the confidence to speak up get help to overcome it. Hypnotherapy can help to raise your confidence and self esteem. You may not realise it but many top individuals still have underlying confidence issues. They’ve just learnt how to override it with their conscious mind.
Wouldn’t it be an amazing if you could feel confident enough to stand up and say, “This is how I’d do it”.
Who knows where or what you might end up doing!
If you would like help with confidence or self-esteem, give me a call
Becky lives in West Sussex, UK and is a Therapist using hypnosis, Psy-TaP, Kinetic Shift and Mindscaping. Please feel free to explore the website to learn more about her.