Beating the bullies within.

Although I was very quiet at school, I was luckily enough not to be bullied. Occasionally the Cancerian in me did snap its claws, when I was pushed too far with my kindness and loyalty to others. I confess at aged 10 I did catch a friend’s fingers in my front gate once but in my defence she was chasing after me. We’re now good friends now.

Then came my first job. Leaving school at sixteen I was eager to please and ready to do no wrong. As I look back now this is where I experienced my first real taste of being bullied.

A year after I started, a new employee joined. He’d been made redundant from a higher position in his firm and thought rather a lot of himself. He took advantage of my rather naive line manager and on one occasion I reported this to a higher boss, as I was worried it may compromise the security within the office.

You can guess what happened next, my line manager had a go at me but very sneakily. He took me into another room away from other staff and told me that ‘he’d make my life hell and have me fired if I did it again’. So there I stayed in my shell for many years, figuring it was best to keep a low profile.

Ten years later and a slightly wiser self, I could see the same thing happening again. The difference being that this time I would not let them take control over me. I was being accused of not working my hours and being lazy. Anyone that knows me, knows I put my heart and soul into my work.

So I stepped up, faced the bullies and learnt that it’s ok to stand up for yourself. It was empowering.

In the past I’d had no confidence in me, so I would have believed that what they’d said might actually be true. Now I know I’m stronger than that.  

I recently saw a young man who was bullied by his own thoughts, as many of us are. He would run through many ‘what if’ scenarios, forgetting he was as important as all around him. When he realised this, I watched him begin to soar both professionally and socially.

My top five tips to face your bullies.

• You can’t beat fire with fire. Take a step back, take a breath and don’t fuel the flames, that will just make them even bigger. Deal with the situation calmly, like being a fire extinguisher. I usually have the image of them soaked but calmly defused in my head by the end of it. 

           (disclaimer - do not try this in real life, no matter how much you want to)

• The bully may also be the bullied. It’s surprised me when I sat down and spoken to people how insecure they feel. When they bully it’s a defence mechanism, they try and shout louder be heard over everyone else. Dare them to sit down and talk.

• Write it down - keep a journal, not only with the events but your thoughts and feelings.

• Learn self empowerment, inner confidence. That’s what I did. Remember you are just as valued as everyone as are your opinions.

• Don’t bully yourself. It’s easy to self bully. Do you find yourself thinking you’re not good enough, not strong enough? You are, you just have to believe in you.

In my next blog I’m going to talk about why it’s important to be unique.  I’ll let you know some of the quirky activities I’ve been involved in because I can.

If you need some more help, look at my page on Hypnotherapy for Self-Belief.

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